So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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