"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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