Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
