A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
