somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
