Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
