Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
