you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
