He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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