I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
