Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
