I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
