wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
