Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
