I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
