I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
