I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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