trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
