Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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