Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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