I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
