And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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