Define "chronic" masturbator.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
