Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
