All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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