The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I touched a dick in church today
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
