Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
