i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
