I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i believe in u and ur pee
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