Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
