Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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