Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
