you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have fence marks all over my body
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
