Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
