my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
