a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
