Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
