there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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