the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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