i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just tell him i said nine months
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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