You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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