a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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