2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
