me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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