Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
