If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
