a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
