somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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