just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
