Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
